A Second Entry

           Well this is the 4th maybe 5th time I have tried to tap out a new entry here...I am finding that there has been so much I have wanted to "write out" over the last few years that I just don't know where to start. So, I suppose I will just start with today and leave the other stuff for another time. Tonight may very well be my last anyway. No I kid, but I am scheduled for a L5-S1 Laminectomy at 9:30 am ...What the hell is that you may be asking. Well as I understand it the Doc plans to make a 3-4 inch incision at the base of my back and use a laser to remove some bone on each side of my spine. He then plans to move the nerves around to be sure they are freed from any other pressure...stitch me up, give me lala drugs, keep me over night and then, if all goes as planned release me to go home to do absolutely nothing for about 6 weeks then we'll see where I am. Now, in the meantime I will be wearing this god awful plastic corset thing that even the S&M folks would possibly baulk at...they say it's a back brace I say yea right, call it what you will, bottom line, It Sucks and I will be stuck in this thing 24/7 for a minimum of 4 weeks, possibly longer! So anyway as I type, I am pausing here and there trying my damnedest to consume as much Diet Coke as I can before midnight... you see, I am an addict...the first step is admitting the problem right?  Diet Coke and Nicotine are essential to my sanity. After 25 plus years of stupid brief excursions with many addictive substances these are the only two that stuck. Everything else was a once or twice adventure and even alcohol was a short lived take it or leave it phase. And now I have just had my last fix for at least 12 hours...so as soon as I finish this I will be choking down a muscle relaxer and going to sleep the sleep of the dead. I am very much a light weight when it comes to medication of any kind so I am hoping it will put me in a coma like state until at least 8:30 am. With that being said I should also note here that I am not responsible for anything I may post for the next week or so. It will all be drug induced. They will probably be giving me some pretty strong stuff and I just don't due well with narcotics. So please don't judge me for the next week or so. At least withhold judgement and wait until I'm me again. Now, I may not be here at all. It's just according to what they give me. If I have to choose between three computer screens I will try to refrain from posting. Some of that shit makes me chatty, others make me drool and occasionally I am drooling while I attempt to incoherently chat. It really is a crap shoot. I just never know what the cocktail of narcotics and my body chemistry will result in. 

            I will be honest here, I am scared shitless. Terrified really. I have had several surgeries in my life. Some minor, some major and I've had 4 kids naturally. All of  which I bounced back from in record time. After all the childbirths, I was up and showering alone within an hour. Gallbladder, two days and I was cooking dinner. Put to sleep to have teeth removed one afternoon and back at work by 8am the next morning. Hysterectomy, I was cleaning house and shaving my legs by day three. This one is going to be very different. I will physically be unable to sit up or move without assistance. I should probably, once again, note here that I am a self proclaimed control freak, and again, admitting  is the first step. (Probably why none of previously mentioned addictive substances ever stuck, just a thought) Anyway, I just don't know about the whole depend on someone else to do everything. I have always been the depended upon not the dependent. Hmm, I wonder if they could give me enough drugs to keep me in that coma like state for the next couple of months.....I may just ask them. That is if I don't attempt an escape. So, if you see a newscast regarding a south Georgia woman shimming down a drain pipe, ass in the breeze, at a south Georgia hospital you can say, "Oh shit, that's her, I read her blog"....

Until next time....
~L~

And So It Begins

Strange how any ole day can be a day of beginnings. When I awoke this morning, okay maybe it was more like early afternoon, painfully dragging my sorry ass outta bed I had no idea that I would "begin" anything. Nope, I had no lofty plans, no real goals for the day, other than make it to the bathroom before I had a wet mess that I did not have the energy to clean. Then stumble and limp my way to the kitchen for a diet coke and a smoke. With the all important morning rituals complete I parked my aching body on the couch, opened my laptop to sign into facebook, simply to see who was doing what on this Sunday morning.  And there, in my newsfeed, it was. Someone had a link to this place and so here I am, beginning a new blog. Now, I have done this blog thing before. Back in the long lost days of myspace I blogged. Oh, did I blog. Back before myspace became the ghost town it is today, I loved it. Some days were updates of the day to day life. Some days were cheeky rants complete with colorful words and my own sarcastic bitchy humor. And every once in a while, the creative muse reared her head and poetry tapped out on the keyboard was the result. The key there was simply this. I Was Free. Free to be who I am. Free to speak my mind. Free to post what the hell ever I wanted to without concerning myself with what anyone thought. I had found a home. I was among friends, most of whom were doing the same. There was an anonymity there that freed my words and my thoughts. Never having to explain or justify my words to real life. Not having to worry about my posts being read by the young and innocent. Never having to defend my beliefs or passions. Oh how I have missed that. Once myspace became a wasteland, the blogging I so enjoyed had no place to belong. In these years since, I have done what most have. I joined facebook and like everyone else, added all the real life family members and people I was merely acquainted with from high school and like the good girl I so am not, I limit myself. Now, I realize these limits are all self inflicted. I simply do not want to explain every word I type, justify every f bomb, defend every opinion or have everyone think everything I post is about them. Really, some of the people there can be so damn needy. So today is a beginning. Today, I take back my freedom. Here in this place, I am Just Me Being Me...Now,I suppose we will just have to see where this goes.

Until next time...

~L~